By: Abunerry, Ayella
22-3-2026
Torit
I can still recall all my Dinka girlfriends. After finishing high school in 2006, I fully settled in Nimule, a place with thousands of beautiful Dinka Bor ladies. However, my first girlfriend, whom I met in 2005, was Adut from Yirol.
Adut was a beautiful student at one of the secondary schools in Nimule. She would visit me frequently at my point of sale (I operated the first call box in Nimule). We engaged deeply.
As a young, vibrant adult, many Dinka ladies fell in love with me. I loved them, but Adut stood out above the rest. She had dimples, a curved figure, and a captivating presence. Her voice moved me every time she spoke. She did not have a phone, but I had a Nokia 1100, which gave me an advantage over many other young men. Even those close to her struggled to get her attention.
Despite the usual issues of cattle and other marriage demands, Adut encouraged me to remain strong in the face of rejection by her tribe. I was careful. She explained many aspects of their marriage customs to me, including the restriction against marrying outside their tribe. At one point, she even suggested that we elope if I was ready, but I was afraid.
With time, Adut completed her Senior Four and was transferred to Kenya. That marked the end of our relationship, as we lost contact. Meanwhile, Martha, another girl I had been involved with before Adut left, gradually took a place in my heart.
Martha was a student at Comboni SS in Adjumani. Like Adut, she lived under the same fear shaped by cultural expectations. She liked Equatorian men but felt conflicted because it went against what she had been taught. During one of our meetings at Ruyo Guest House, we became intimate. She later conceived but, as I assumed, terminated the pregnancy. At that time, I had even considered eloping and moving to Ariwara in the DRC.
Among all the Dinka ladies I was involved with for a long time was Rhoda. Even after I married my wife in 2008, our relationship continued until 2011. One thing remained constant, the deep fear of marrying outside their tribe. From puberty, many Dinka girls are warned against marrying Equatorians. They are often told that Equatorians are poor and incapable of taking care of women from other tribes (Adut Lambor proved this claim).
When questioned about why Dinka men marry women from Equatoria, some say such marriages are political and not meant to last. This, they claim, explains why some men can take their children and leave the mothers behind. These are difficult claims, but they reflect what many believe or experience.
Following the recent controversial podcast by the Bor lady(Adut Lambor), I can say there is some truth in what she expressed. What we are seeing today may reflect a shift, especially among Gen Z, who are more willing to break cultural barriers, sometimes in ways that are seen as disrespectful.
I also had a personal experience three years ago, where I was almost jailed for standing as a father figure to support an intermarriage. In many cases, a Dinka father would strongly resist his daughter marrying an Equatorian. As a result, many such marriages are neither fully accepted nor respected, often due to perceptions that Equatoria is poor or culturally inferior.
Looking back, if rigid cultural expectations had not stood in our way, I might have married a Dinka lady. But unless we confront these truths honestly, there is little value in hiding behind polite statements. The tension around intermarriage remains strong. Too often, Dinka–Equatorian marriages are viewed as political arrangements rather than genuine unions.
End
Sir Abunerry
Brutal Ruwaita/Frilunch Tichar.
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